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Wishful Thinking

What brought me here today:

These Friday blog posts are ones that I use to detail what I’m artwork I’m creating. I’ve begun some new, smaller dolls based on my 12 cm doll pattern. These dolls are among the last that I will be creating in my current workspace. Writing that feels odd to me. Perhaps more precisely, a bit bitter-sweet.

My husband and I currently in search of a new living space. And I’m trying to imagine what it will be like creating new artwork in that new space. I know that my artwork will continue to adapt and evolve to where ever I live and work. But part of me isn’t quite ready to let go of the creative space I’m sitting in as I type this.

Additional parts:

The biggest change to the overall doll design is that I’ve given each of these dolls additionally heads. I’ve had some fun adding more arms, and lengthening limbs and torsos as well. Pinpointing the creative need to do this has been elusive. But I think I’ve begun to figure it out.

There is something I find quite satisfying about making these dolls. There’s an indescribable feeling I get when I get to a certain stage of making a doll. It’s as if the piece has come to life within my hands. There’s all kinds of emotion mixed into this too. I begin to feel protective towards the doll. For me, it’s now it’s own being, separate, yet still connected to me.

On the surface:

May and June have been packed with a lot of change for me. A part of every day is now devoted to accomplishing a task that needs to be completed before we move. I’m not in any way complaining about these tasks. Nor am I finding them difficult, yet. However, they are becoming more numerous. And they have hard and fast deadlines.

The frequency, number and importance of these tasks is being manifested within my current series of semi-altered 12 cm dolls. They are the manifestation of insecurities and anxiety that I’m experiencing regarding the move. I’m either not able to articulate these feelings. Or perhaps even recognize them yet.

Frames of mind:

What could more heads mean? If I’m being as straightforward as possible, it could mean I wish I were smarter. Or perhaps I simply need more brain power to accomplish all the tasks that require my time and attention. Each of these dolls has the same face and head, only replicated.

Some of the heads I’ve added are looking backwards. Other times they’re looking in all directions. Still others, like Honey and Bizzy, have their additional heads facing forward. Penelope’s extra heads face completely backward. Arete’s extra heads faced off in all different directions.

Time keeps on slipping:

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine. She indicated that she felt like it was just yesterday when we first met. Then she detailed some of the huge things that had occurred during that time. It really does feel like yesterday when we first met.

I can still see her long legs sprinting ahead of us in the snow and dark to stand in front of the last bus going downtown. She wanted to make sure the bus wouldn’t leave any of us behind. I remember saying to myself, “This one’s a keeper.” and we’ve been friends ever since.

Right now, I’m sitting at my desk. The large window in front of me looking out onto the beautiful early summer growth on the trees. I can barely see the lake right now. I’m drinking my afternoon tea and wondering exactly where I will be this time next year. More than likely, it will be in a similar situation. The view will be quite different. So will the tea.

Hamlet-like dilemma:

The situation I might find myself in may be similar to what I have right now. A work space, with a computer. And lots of artwork being made. A cup of tea sitting to my right. Any anxiety I may feel comes from not knowing exactly where I will be. I cannot imagine how this move will change the artwork that I create either.

The move is my ‘undiscovered country’. I’m extremely fortunate though. I can return to this place if I wish to. The rub is, that even if I do return to this place, it will all be different. Where I am and what I do in this space is uniquely ephemeral. Nothing stays the same. And that’s the way it should be.

So, now what?

Well, for starters, I’m going back to working on Honey and Bizzy. They need to have their hair completed. Then I will attend to other tasks that require my attention. I’ll keep moving and I’ll keep changing. Sisu.

Thank you for reading, and I will see you again next Friday,